How Everyday Moments Can Grow Empathetic Kids- Bruised Heads and Big Hearts

Last night, my 5 year old was doing his post-dinner Olympic routine on the couch, flinging himself from cushion to cushion while my patience waned. I reminded him (for the third time) that the floor is not lava. His routine ended with a hard thud and tears. Thankfully, he was fine — just  bruised and with a physical reminder that gravity always wins.

The next morning when I went to take my 3-year-old out of his crib, he rolled over and asked, “How is Max’s head?” When he saw his brother at breakfast, he said, “Is your head okay, Max?” My tired heart melted. He remembered. He noticed. Maybe he even cared about his brother!

It was such a simple exchange, but to me, it felt like a parenting victory. The night before, my youngest had seen concrete cues: his brother’s tears, his shouts of “ow,” and his frown. The empathy lightbulb flickered on. He noted what was happening, correctly interpreted the cues, and he expressed care.

Do I wish this kind of thing happened all the time in our home? Absolutely (minus the bumps and bruises). 

The moments of noticing — of checking in, of thinking, “How would that make me feel?” are the ones I hope take root. 

In our home, we try to use a lot of feeling words and “I wonder” questions to cultivate empathy. We ask things like: “I wonder how she felt when you took her special sticker?” “What do you think he needs right now to feel better?” We look for feelings on faces in books and TV shows. We compare our life at home to what is happening to people around the world. It’s our ongoing family project: trying to raise tiny humans who see beyond themselves. 

And like most family projects, it is …  a work in progress. My three kids — currently ages 3, 5, and 8 — are each on different rungs of the empathy ladder. Some seem born to notice, while others need practice and gentle reminders that empathy doesn’t stop at “I said sorry.” But that’s okay. Empathy is a skill; one that can be nurtured, modeled, and strengthened over time.

Empathy and Emotional Growth in Children

Empathy — the ability to understand and share another’s feelings — isn’t just a nice personality trait. It’s at the heart of being human. It’s what allows children to form strong friendships, resolve conflicts, care for others, and contribute to a kinder world. At first, all children are pretty egocentric, only caring about themselves and their own feelings and desires. This helps them focus on their own needs and survival first, building the self-awareness and problem-solving skills that humans have always needed to grow strong and stay safe before turning their attention to others. Over time — through practice — they can start to notice and care about others’ experiences and feelings, too. 

In early childhood, empathy grows in remarkable ways. Preschoolers are wired to learn through imitation and experience. When they see adults express kindness, label emotions, or comfort others, they internalize those actions. When we help them name their feelings (“You look sad that your tower fell down” or “It made you happy when your friend shared that toy”), we give them language to make sense of emotions, both their own and others’.

As a society, raising empathetic kids is not just about making them be “nice.” It’s about strengthening communities. Children who can read emotions and respond compassionately are more likely to cooperate, to stand up against unfairness, and to seek peaceful solutions to problems. In classrooms, empathy fuels teamwork and reduces bullying. In families, it builds connection. Out in the real world, it’s what helps bring people together when they are divided.

Empathy doesn’t develop automatically; it needs to be practiced. Don’t worry — you don’t need to add yet another activity to your busy schedule after soccer practice. Empathy is best nurtured through play, through conversations, and during routines we are already doing each day.

Why is this so important now?

Our children are growing up in a world that desperately needs connection. Technology, social media, and fast-paced living can make it harder to slow down and take time to understand one another. Kids today are exposed to so much—whether in their community or on the news—that can easily feel overwhelming or abstract. Empathy can help them process those experiences with care and curiosity. It’s how we raise a generation that doesn’t just scroll past suffering, but asks, “How can I help?”

Everyday Empathy Activities: Simple Ways to Teach Young Children Kindness

Developing empathy in young children plants those seeds early. It teaches them that all feelings are valid, that everyone’s perspective matters, and that kindness is powerful. And the good news? We don’t need elaborate activities or expensive materials to do it. Empathy grows best during everyday moments. You might try: 

Naming Feelings — Yours and Theirs

Kids learn empathy when they can identify what someone else might be feeling. Try saying, “I’m frustrated because we’re running late,” or “You look disappointed the game ended,” to give them the words and framework to do the same.

“How Would You Feel If…” Cards

Cut paper into small cards and write or draw simple scenarios: “Someone took your toy,” “Your friend gave you a hug,” “You dropped your ice cream,” “A new kid joined your class.” On the way to school, during bathtime, or at mealtime, take turns picking cards and answering, “How would you feel?” and “What could you do to help?” This builds perspective-taking and emotional vocabulary—and often leads to giggles and surprising insights.

Selflessness with Stuffies

While playing pretend, imagine that your child runs a “Stuffie Hospital.” Each stuffie can come in with an injury or problem (a torn ear, a tummy ache) and your child can diagnose and help them feel better. You might also encourage your little one to put their stuffies to bed as part of their own bedtime routine — tucking them in, kissing them goodnight, saying “I love you.” This role-play invites children to exercise their compassion muscles by imagining others’ needs and thinking about comforting actions.

Empathy All Around You

Curiosity is the doorway to compassion. As you walk around your neighborhood, encourage your child to notice the animals, people, and other living things around them. Asking things like, “I wonder how that bird is feeling in the cold?” or “How do you think that squirrel felt when his friend took his nut?” helps kids see that every creature has needs and experiences, too.

In the end, empathy isn’t something we teach once—it’s something we practice daily. It’s in the way we talk to our kids, how we handle their big emotions (and our own!), and how we model compassion toward others.

I would like to raise kids who do not jump on the couch and pay attention when I warn them to stop. However, when that inevitably happens, if I can raise them to pause, notice, and ask, “Are you okay?” — even just sometimes — I’ll count that as a win. Those small moments, repeated over time, will help them grow into humans whose nature is to care, check in, and make the world around them a little kinder.