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Empowering Your Child’s Emotion Regulation Skills: Help Them Calm Down Without Screens

When kids are overwhelmed by feelings, it’s hard for them, and hard for you too. When you want your child to calm down, it’s tempting to reach for a tablet or the TV remote. While there are times when screen media can be useful for soothing, such as during doctor visits, flights, or long car rides, research shows that relying on screens too often can hinder children from developing their own emotion regulation skills.

As tough as it is to see your child struggling, these moments are opportunities for them to practice self-regulation. Children need a lot of practice to improve this skill, and they look to you for guidance. Instead of turning to screens, consider trying these alternatives to help your child calm down.

5 Tips to Make Tough Times a Little Easier Without Reaching Your Phone:

  1. Stay Calm: After spending the last two hours at the playground, you turn to your child and say it’s time to go home. They get frustrated and angry, shouting, “I don’t want to leave!” and refusing to move. Your first urge may be to yell at them to get in the car and offer the iPad to play on the way home to distract them from crying. Instead, take a moment. Remember, your child isn’t trying to give you a hard time, they’re having a hard time. Before responding, take a deep breath and count to three. You can also try a progressive muscle relaxation technique. Clench your hands, pause, then let go. Or lift your eyebrows, hold for a moment, and then release.
  1. Ignore Negative Behavior: While you’re paying attention to your child, try not to react to whining, yelling, or other negative behaviors. For example, if your child is shouting, “You never let me have any fun!” it’s important not to take it personally or feel pressured to respond. Avoid engaging with their negative or provoking statements and behavior. Instead, keep your focus on what we suggest next.
  1. Understand Why: Pay attention to what your child is saying and feeling. If they’re upset about leaving the playground, show them that you’re listening. You might start by saying, “I see that you’re really upset about leaving. Can you tell me why?” If they’re unsure or can’t put it into words, you could make guesses: “Are you sad because it’s time to go home for dinner?” or “Do you not want to leave your new friend?” This approach not only helps your child feel heard but also gives you a chance to address their concerns.
  1. Provide Support: Now that you know why they’re upset, you can respond to their concerns. You might let them choose a side for dinner, like potatoes or pasta, or take down the new friend’s parent’s number to arrange a future playdate. Sometimes, it might simply be that they want to play a bit longer. In that case, try giving your child a sense of control by offering a choice, like, “Do you want to go down the slide one last time or say goodbye to the swings?” You could also make leaving fun by turning it into a game, such as racing to the car or seeing who can spot the most birds on the way home.
  1. Wait, Reflect, Praise: Once the storm has calmed down and some time has passed, like when you get home from the playground, take a moment to talk with your child about what happened. Praise them for any positive steps they took to calm themselves down by saying something like, “I know you were really upset about leaving the playground, but you did a great job saying goodbye!” This not only acknowledges their effort but also reinforces their ability to handle challenging situations in the future.

After you’ve helped your child, don’t forget to take care of yourself too. Later in the day, if possible, carve out a few moments to recharge. This could mean enjoying a quiet cup of tea or doing some stretching while listening to your favorite podcast.

Remember, each challenge is a chance for growth, for both you and your child. By providing support and guidance during tough moments, you’re helping them build the skills they need to navigate their emotions and develop resilience for the future!